Here in Katie’s Head

Dear critter in my ceiling,

Get out. Please. You wake me up with your scurrying noises. This is only the second time, but three strikes and I call the maintenance guys.

You sound small, so I’m guessing you’re a squirrel. If I buy you some nuts and put them on my balcony, will you promise to stay out of my ceiling?

Walnuts? Pecans? I know peanuts aren’t good for squirrels, but I’m pretty sure they don’t sell bags of acorns at Dillons.

Love,

Katie

Posted: 10:52 am · Category: Apartment, Letters · Comments: 1

Within the last few months, I discovered that my desire/ability to clean the house is proportional to my proximity to other people.

This is why my apartment is usually a mess, but if I go over to my parents’ (quite clean) house, I’ll compulsively start washing dishes and wiping down the inside of the microwave.

This gives me confidence that, while I’ve swept the kitchen only once since I moved in at the end of July, when I do eventually move in with someone, I’ll be able to keep things tidy enough to be a tolerable housemate.

That’s the theory anyway.

Posted: 11:08 pm · Category: Apartment · Comments: None

I woke up this morning, tense from a dream where I’d been summoned with a “Katie, let’s talk” by a super-scary editor at work. And then when I was actually at work, I found a few more things to angst over (alas, super-scary editor is not just a figment of my dreams). And then I came home and sought comfort food to soothe my nervous tummy. It only made it worse.

So I threw off my work clothes and hid under a pile of blankets on the couch. Yay, Heroes and Journeyman.

When I was ready to write the day off as a prime example of Monday suckitude, I heard a meowing in the hallway. Looking through the peephole, I saw no one. I heard J, my across-the-hall neighbor, on her cellphone as she carried her laundry downstairs. And still more meowing.

I opened the door a crack, looked down and there was the cutest, tiniest kitten ever. As soon as I touched her she started purring. I let her in so I could put some pants on before going downstairs to find out if J had recently acquired a kitten.

This kitty was not timid at all. She immediately started exploring the apartment. Meow, meow, purr, purr.

Just before opening my door again, I considered that maybe I could just keep the cat. Maybe supernatural forces had sent her to me to make me forget about all the things that make me cranky. Who can stress out when they’ve got half a pound of fur nuzzling against them? Not Katie.

When I got downstairs, J rolled her eyes when she saw the kitten in my arms. Apparently Mary Jane (what the hell kind of cat name is that?) is a bit of an escape artist. But Mary Jane is also a foster kitten, available for adoption when she’s old enough (i.e. big enough to be spayed).

I very nearly got a cat a couple months ago. I decided against it for all kinds of good reasons.

But, oh, that little kitty loves me.

I would have to rename her though. I’m thinking Bowser.

Posted: 10:19 pm · Category: Apartment · Comments: 1

There’s a guy who lives downstairs from me who never wears a shirt.

And he reminds me of an ex so it completely skeeves me out.

Also, it doesn’t help that every time we run into each other, I’m doing something stupid.

So.

Dear neighbor,

Have you considered wearing a shirt? I mean, I’m 100% for going clothing-optional while you’re at home, but the courtyard and the laundry room are, uh… So, have you considered wearing a shirt?

And I’m sure it’s obvious at this point that I’m an absolute klutz, but I really am smarter than I’ve been acting for the past day or two.

And the look of panic in my eyes? It’s because you look exactly like this asshole I dated for a couple of months a very long time ago.

Apprehensively yours,

Katie

Posted: 1:01 pm · Category: Apartment, Letters · Comments: 2

Raymond demanded a status update, and because I live to serve my readers*:

There’s a guy downstairs whose name tag on his work shirts says “Malcolm.” I can tell we have absolutely nothing in common. I may have to befriend him because there are no other signs of life in the entire complex.

I am still sore from moving. Considering I didn’t even lift the really heavy stuff, I have no idea why I’m so sore. And I have little tiny bruises all down my legs because I’m a klutz.

And I’ve unpacked almost nothing. After throwing out all my food (because most of it was very expired) at the old place, the entire contents of my fridge was: two cans of Diet Coke and my bottle of emergency vodka. So rather than unpack, my first order of business was to get some actual food in the fridge.

Because I am an idiot, I have to wait until Friday for the cable company to hook up my service here. Until then, I’m stealing wireless from a neighbor. Let’s hope he’s got unlimited bandwidth.

And I’m really ticked off about totally unrelated things that I can’t blog about (and have been for a couple of weeks), and that’s probably the real root of why I don’t write more lately.

*Yeah, right.

Posted: 6:37 am · Category: Apartment, Status · Comments: 2

It’s been two days since Q and I moved into our apartment.

1. I have too many things that just don’t have a proper place where they belong, and it’s making me feel extraordinarily disorganized.
2. Cable channels are crazy here. No less than four shopping networks (and it took me embarrassingly long to figure out how to make my TV skip over them), and all the channel numbers are different than at home.
3. It took me until a few minutes ago to figure out how to make the air conditioner shut up.
4. I have no idea when our mail is delivered to our box — not that I’m getting any mail yet — and my inner control freak is crying.
5. I haven’t met any of my neighbors yet, but I saw that the couple downstairs moved their beer in before any of their furniture
6. I can’t wait until I start my new job (details will be provided when I actually start) because I’ve been incredibly bored today. I’ve watched far too much of the Blow Out marathon.
7. For the sake of my ibscrewed readers: I bought (and assembled!) a cheap file cabinet, and the third folder I made was “ibscrewed” for my fan mail. Also, I’m finally using the coaster Petra sent me because my desk is very not waterproof. Thanks, Petra.

Posted: 5:54 pm · Category: Apartment, Status · Tags: Apartment, ibscrewed, moving · Comments: 6

The forms were filled out, the parents were pleaded with, my our lease application has been accepted, and Quinton and I are moving in together in August.

The plan is never to live with another female who’s not a relative ever again. Because seriously, girls are fucking nuts.

Posted: 10:20 am · Category: Apartment, Quinton · Comments: 2