A tale of two boobs: Part 4
It’s been nineteen days since my mastectomy. They’ve been the worst nineteen days of my life and I am glad to have them beyond me.
I wish doctors would warn you how much you will hurt after major surgery. That even with the narcotics, it still hurts more than any pain you’ve endured.
I wish doctors would warn you that even after you’ve done everything you can to rid yourself of cancer, you will cry and cry and cry and then cry some more because you can’t discern the precise source of this sudden despair and feel hopeless about being unable to make yourself feel better.
I wish doctors would warn you how robbed you will feel when you give up a part of your body and replace it with a pathetic facsimile, because even though you knew what you were choosing, you won’t realize how un-whole you’ll feel once that part is gone.
It’d also be nice if they’d give you a heads up about what symptoms of hospital-acquired infections to watch out for. The GI tract infection is a real delight, as is the UTI caused the antibiotic for the first infection, as is the seeming inability for the now two antibiotics to work at the same time despite the doctor’s assurance that they would respect each others’ territory.
I’ve been camping out at my parents’ house since I left the hospital. And even though I’ve technically moved back to my apartment, it makes my skin crawl to be home alone. It’s quiet and paralyzingly lonely and I’m terrified that I’ll get sicker without Mom around to call attention to and address my symptoms. I’d probably still be shitting my brains out without her.
And while I do know that each day I physically feel a little better, it’s progressively harder to cope with yet another day of feeling like shit.
I know it’ll all be over eventually, and I crave the day I can put it behind me and feel like an ordinary person again, when I can once again think about anything besides my health.
We’re thinking about you here at the Bird. Hope you get to feeling better soon.
Comment by Eric — 6/30/2008 @ 6:52 am
My most sincere wishes for a speedy recovery.
Comment by JD — 6/30/2008 @ 5:37 pm
Hang in there. We’re all sending good thoughts your way.
Comment by Ken — 6/30/2008 @ 8:58 pm
I’ve seen your site numerous times while using stumbleupon but noticed you haven’t updated in a while. I hope you are doing well.
Comment by Trey Anderson — 8/14/2008 @ 3:07 am
Hi there. I added you on Twitter because it seems to be the thing to do in Wichita (everyone adding everyone else on Twitter, that is)… then, I clicked over here, and realized I think I used to read your blog back when they were called “online journals.” Like, in 1998 or so.
I may be imagining things, of course… but if you were around back then, then I was definitely a reader at some point.
So, hello! :) And hope you’re feeling better.
Comment by Stephanie — 8/21/2008 @ 5:34 pm
Hey Katie! I haven’t been to your journal in a while and came back to catch up. Wow, I am so sorry with everything you have been through in the last couple months. I can only imagine how difficult that must been. I’m glad you are doing well now, all recovered physically I hope. If you need anything, let me know ok?
Comment by Nicole — 9/18/2008 @ 12:16 pm