Here in Katie’s Head

So. I haven’t written much lately. I mean to, and I keep thinking of things I should write, but…somehow I don’t get around to it.

I was reading through my referrer logs and for whatever reason, I clicked one of the links to an old archive page and started reading. I guess it’d been linked to by some sort of porn search from google (and I never found the entry that said anything about porn), and I wanted to see what I was like back then.

I was floored. I’ve changed so much. I don’t know what changes my writing reflects, but somehow I’d happened upon the archive from the most pivotal month in my life, and I felt so far removed from where I was then. So envious of that girl who was at the place where I had all my big decisions to make, all my paths open, all my heart to give. And were it not for my roommate sitting a yard away from me, I’d be absolutely bawling right now.

My childish side wants to scream, “I want a do-over!” I want to go back and enjoy the happy things more, wallow in the sad things less, and really understand the significance of the things I wrote about as if they were nothing more than slices of bread.

I can think back to what I was doing two years ago without pain, but when I read my daily writings about what I was thinking, what I was doing, how I was falling so very much in love with a guy who lives a two minute drive away but I never see anymore…well, then I see why memory doesn’t allow us that sharp of a focus on our past.

I almost wish I didn’t have a record of it.

Posted: 12:13 am · Category: Memories · Comments: 3

The Morning After Email, Part II

After all that work to come up with an email that sets the right tone, sparks interest and whatnot, then comes the waiting.

I am an impatient emailer. And while I realize that not everyone checks their email every five minutes like I do, as the hours pass, I become nervous that the other party has indeed checked his email and ignored my witty subject line and and charming paragraph of Katieisms.

Some people fire back an equally witty response in about an hour. This makes me very happy.

Some people take days. Do they not realize the AGONY I am in, wondering if my gesture of friendship has been utterly rejected, ignored?

So I sit at my computer, playing java jigsaw puzzles over and over, trying to get a better score while I wait for some sign that this person is actually interested in talking to me.

I keep opening my mail client, waiting for the familiar ding of the “New Message Received” notice.

Nothing…

Then DING!

And it’s spam. Hot chixx want to chat over their live webcams, eh? Not quite what I was hoping for.

And just as soon as I find a distraction, DING again and…

My roommate says, “What wast that?”

What was what?

“You made a noise. Like something surprised you.”

He emailed me back!

Posted: 2:58 pm · Category: Theories · Comments: 2

The Morning-After Email, Part I

Go to a party, meet another scholarship hall resident from down the street, who makes good conversation, seems cool, you’ll likely bump into each other again sooner or later, but sooner would be better than later.

So, internet whiz that I am, the next morning I spend the 15 seconds it takes to dig up this person’s email address.

And then the challenge is deciding what to say. It’s like having to break the ice all over again.

Hey there. You weren’t too drunk to remember me right?

Too stupid.

Hi, this is Katie, the geeky girl from the party.

Too vague (at least for identifying a schol hall girl).

Hey, this is Katie…from that party. I really liked you. Well, not that way, just…unless you like me that way. You know, my dad’s never really liked any of my boyfriends, but he might like you. Let’s make babies!

Too desperate.

Hi. I have no friends and was hoping you’d consider being one. Kidding! I mean, I have friends, but I can squeeze you in somewhere. Damn, this is not as funny as I’d hoped.

Too creepy.

I’ve heard you’re a creep but decided to give you the benefit of the doubt. Lucky you!

Too honest.

And coming up for the subject line is even harder. Can’t look like spam, can’t look like a stalker, has to be specific enough to ring a bell, has to be somewhat witty.

I’m finding that references to alcohol go over well. (Two out of two almost establishes a pattern, anyway.)

Posted: 12:13 pm · Category: Theories · Comments: 2

Boys + Bowling + Blue Bunny = I had a good time last night

Posted: 1:36 pm · Category: Boys · Comments: 4

Having a roommate from Latin America really helps out with my Spanish cursing skills.

Posted: 5:09 pm · Category: Sellards · Comments: 4

I find myself contemplating a way of life where I never actually get out of bed. Whoever first thought up the concept of productivity is not on my list of favorite people.

In other news, my totally undeserved luck is still hanging around as I have once again demonstrated that school deadlines still don’t apply to me.

I guess I’m (semi-?) officially in the j-school now. I think this is worthy of a drink, but I’m still 1 year, 67 days away from legal drinking age.

So…Diet Coke it is, I guess.

Posted: 9:12 pm · Category: Random · Comments: 2

Him: lemme ask you something. i’ve been hearing about something that i find really strange a lot lately. maybe you can clear it up
Me: Okay…
Him: i’ve been hearing from some of my internet friends about something called “cybering”. know anything about it?
Him: ???
Me: That would be cybersex. It’s like typed phone sex.
Him: ah
Him: you ever done that?
Me: No. Not my thing.

Am I just paranoid or is that a timid invite? Ew. I refuse to believe that there exists a teenager who doesn’t know what cybersex is. Please.

Posted: 7:26 pm · Category: Conversations · Comments: 4