Journalism and Pro Wrestling
30
Apr
2003
Today in my journalism class, we talked about pro wrestling.
Yeah, it was pretty dumb.
Here in Katie’s Head
What is funny?
29
Apr
2003
Okay, just to lay some ground rules.
Anger = Not Funny Sarcasm = Funny Satire = Funny
Anger, under the guise of satire, but carried out so rudely that it still comes off as mostly anger = Still Not Funny
People who laugh at Anger = Very Confusing for Katie
The fact that I would like to tie the phrase “then the terrorists have already won” into this entry, expressly for the sake of humor = Still Very Confusing for Katie
In short, this doctor at the campus clinc’s Urgent Care unit has actually advised me to mix upwards of four different medications, so I am quite drugged up and it is taking a toll and I don’t know if I will ever make sense again.
Placebo?
29
Apr
2003
Dear Urgent Care Nurses,
Yes, I have hives EVERYWHERE. Yes, they ARE in the places that you can’t see. Yes, I AM being very good about not scratching them.
So quit staring at me and talking about me. I can hear you.
Sincerely,
Katie
…
Dear Urgent Care Doctor,
Thanks for the placebo cough medicine. It does not work. Perhaps that is because I KNOW IT IS A PLACEBO.
For one, the way you kinda mumbled the name of the medicine piqued my curiousity. Then the fact that my mom, who would totally know, didn’t recognize the name of the medication [which sounds made up anyway] was highly suspicious at all. But mostly, the fact that I’ve taken five of these very pretty pills and noticed no change whatsoever pretty much confirms that it’s a placebo.
It’s been a day and a half and I’m still coughing like crazy.
But maybe you’re a fake doctor, and that’s why you gave me fake medicine. Because you looked a lot like those doctors on TV. I bet the clinic just hires you and has you play doctor for the kids that just come in for silly reasons and aren’t legitimately sick, because if placebo pills work, so would placebo doctors. That would explain why you told the guy in the bed next to me to try “aggressive oral irrigation, like gatorade.” I KNEW that sounded totally made up.
Aggressive oral irrigation, my ass.
Sincerely,
Katie
Hives, etc.
27
Apr
2003
I have hives. All over, itchy as hell, fucking allergic reaction hives.
First I had killer allergies. Then I got a bad cold. Then I lost my voice. Several times. And I’ve been coughing up various organs since Thursday.
And now goddamn fucking hives.
What can this mean?
A. I have been exposed to both allergens and a cold virus a whole heck of a lot lately.
B. God hates me.
I think it’s a combination.
High speed?
27
Apr
2003
Despite my general reluctance to move back into my parents’ house for the summer, that’s where I’ll be when school gets out in three weeks. I will be a basement-dwelling loser with no job. Because unemployment is high right now and after all the Real Grown-Ups get their jobs, there’s nothing left for poor Katie.
There is, however, one thing I am looking forward to.
REAL high speed internet.
Not “high speed” internet like we have at KU where “high speed” translates as “at five AM, it’s marginally faster than dial-up.”
Coming home this weekend and playing around online, I remember the amazement I felt when we first got cable internet the summer after my sophomore year in high school. Between the amazing speed and not tying up the phone line every time I wanted to check my email, I was in heaven.
To think that I can load a page from BlogShares in less than 30 seconds is terribly exciting.
Which leads me to fear that I’m going to waste my summer daytrading blogs for fake money.
I need a job.
Calling all geeks!
25
Apr
2003
Okay, I need some help here.
I need validation.
Uh, XHTML validation that is.
I’ve cleaned up my code [and fixed that stupid, stupid, stupid mistake that made my layout fuck up in Mozilla] and I’m still trying to fix a couple things, but can someone take a look at this and tell me what I’m doing wrong?
Something of the nit-picking variety is wrong with my form, but I can’t tell what.
I should be happy that I got it down to just that one error so easily, but I want to be 100% valid. So I can have the sticker that says I’m valid. So I can proudly display it as if to say “Yes! It took me four years to finally get around to checking my code’s validity!”
So, uh, if you can tell me what I need to do to fix that one little thing, let me know.
Update: Thanks to Ben, I have fixed it. I am now Valid. I’ll proudly add my badge of validity when I have time…which is not now because I have to go sit at the front desk for an hour, then pack, then Justin is picking me up and I’m heading to Wichita for the weekend. Again.
Where I will have to explain to my mom what this whole XHTML validation thing means and why I am happy. Which is really sad. But I’ve been sick all week, so this is about the only good thing I have to talk about. Because my immune system certainly isn’t one. Grr.
Haiku Errors
24
Apr
2003
I assume that all forwarded email jokes are within the public domain, and under this assumption I am now publishing the following, which was sent to me by a former coworker.
In Japan, they have replaced the impersonal and unhelpful Microsoft error messages with their own Japanese haiku poetry, each with only 17 syllables: five in the first line, seven in the second, five in the third.
Your file was so big.
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.
The website you seek
Cannot be located, but
Countless more exist.
Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent and reboot.
Order shall return.
Aborted effort.
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask far too much.
Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.
Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.
Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.
A crash reduces
Your expensive computer
To a simple stone.
Three things are certain:
Death, taxes and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.
You step in the stream,
But the water has moved on.
This page is not here.
Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.
Having been erased,
The document you’re seeking
Must now be retyped.
I ate your Web page.
Forgive me; it was tasty
And tart on my tongue.
You know how much haiku tickles me.
