Here in Katie’s Head

For as long as I can remember, there has always been a distinct motivation for getting a haircut.

When I got the urge to get my hair cut, be it drastically or just a trim, it was always a sort of defense mechanism for dealing with my life.

If there was something I didn’t like that I wanted to change, I would get a haircut.

After every heartbreak, when I was ready to move on, I’d cut my hair. I can attribute a lot of haircuts in highschool to boys I loved.

I cut my hair really short during sophomore year. I kept it short for a while. Dad became suspicious that I might be a lesbian because of this.

And then a couple years ago, I took things into my own hands. I still couldn’t take active control over whatever was bothering me, but I could cut my own hair, damn it. Mom’s tried to take me to her hair stylist countless times over the last few months, but I always refuse. She doesn’t understand that it’s an expression of control to attack myself with scissors. Plus, I feel pretty good about myself when it doesn’t look completely shitty.

Justin let me cut his hair yesterday. I did a good enough job and it was cheaper to buy a $2 pair of scissors to do it with than to get it professionally done. But it didn’t give me that same satisfaction as doing my own hair.

And just a bit ago, Dad said to me, “Your hair’s getting long. For you, you know.”

Yeah, I know. I’ve let it get longer than it’s been since whatever heartbreak provoked me to chop it off two years ago. Or maybe I like it longer because I feel a little girlier than I used to. You know, I almost bought a dress today. I thought it might be nice to have a dress, just because every girl should probably have one.

But I thought about it. I haven’t really hadthat urge to snip away my golden locks in a while. Why? I was happy, totally content with my life.

Recent events have caused me some minor anxiety. It’s been a couple months. I could use a trim.

But I’ve had my eye on that red hair dye at the drug store…

UPDATE: I have orange hair now.

Posted: Saturday, June 29th, 2002 at 5:59 pm
Category: Theories · Feed: RSS 2.0